Wednesday, March 9, 2016

They're back...and it's personal this time.

I friggin LOVE spring.
I love the rain, and the thunder, and the smell of wet soil, and the baby animals, and the bulbs all pushing their way up like a baby in a post-nap stretch.

There's one thing I hate about spring. And it's not the tornadoes, or the sideways winds, or the flash floods.
Its the TURKEYS. 

They've been scaring me since year one in this house, and each year they roll a little deeper, and get a little closer, and sound a little louder, and seem a little braver.
And how the HECK do those big a$$ birds hop my 4ft fence?!? And sleep in trees?! And be so BIG AND NASTY AND SCARY?!?!

The other day, they had me surrounded in my car.
In the driveway.
Big ol' gangsta leader turkey with his Braveheart painted face spotted me and I felt the chill go down my spine.
I jumped into the back seat where the window screens were up and pulled out my phone to video my last moments for my family to find later when they fished my phone out of the belly of one of those killer birds. 
I was held up in that van for EVER until they finally left, gobbling threats that you'd hear on the Godfather movies.
"We'll be BACK, Heidi!"
"You win THIS time, but we'll be back!"
"We know where you sleep!"
"Snitches end up in the ditches!"
"We're comin' for ya!"

I swear, as the last one waddled around the corner, I heard a gobbly "See you in your dreeeeeams, biotch!"
I mean, I'm no turkey translator, but I'm about 90% sure that's the correct translation. 

I'm telling you.
They roll deep.

As soon as I made my move to get out of the car and run for the house, my neighbor across the street came out giggling, after having watched the entire attack unfold and invited me over for a decompression.


They've almost caught up with the june bugs on my scary-enough-to-pee-my-pants list. 

Anyone else?? I mean...

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1 comment:

  1. You are hilarious! I saw my first gaggle (?) of them the other day behind Kim's house. I'll chase them away next time!


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