Have you ever entered one of those seasons in your life where you sit down in the middle of life and think "well, crap. what am I supposed to do now?". When you're little you have a schedule of eating and pooping and doing what mommy & daddy ask of you. You go to school and do chores. You get a job, move out, get a degree and get married. You have children and balance life without sleep, without money, and without sanity, and then you get here. The purgatory field. The place where half your friends are having their babies, and the other half are sending their last to middle school. No more weddings, but no funerals yet. No 2am feedings, but no 2am is-my-teen-safe-at-home-yet either. It took us awhile to adjust to every season thus far, and I know I'll find my way into this one, but it seems so strange.
To be neither here nor there.
I find myself thinking a lot of strange things that made me happy back in the past seasons. My grandmother's jewelry box of costume jewelry - those stacked rings and huge beads! I miss my Mable, and I wonder why I never noticed what her wedding ring looked like. And where is it now? That ring that stood for the most perfect love story I had ever heard. I remember a teepee in the backyard, the Walnut garden that big fat green caterpillars were constantly eating on, the san fran zoo with Emma, camping trips with hubby across the country, the smell of a mountain creek, the look on my dad's face when he thanked me for ironing his work shirts one morning, a letter from alex the week Eli passed, a light blue sport watch in college, my red dog, picking my future husband up at the airport. The list goes on and on, and I suppose that with all my baby birds off at school, the thoughts are finally getting through the hustle and bustle that was child-rearing 24/7. And, man, they have been waiting! I can't turn them off! 35 years of life, and I still haven't gotten used to the fact that you climb a mountain, and the view is always going to be different than the last one. Us type A's, right? We need to know the itinerary, don't we?
On my mind today:
- A hair cut
- A friend going through a tough divorce
- Missing hubby until lunch
- Drink more water!
- Find someone who has friendship bread starter!
- It's cold in here!
- Being sore from my weight training class
- Checking that the kids running gear still fits, unlike the rest of their clothes :/ (they start training in February!)
- Thankful for a coffee date with a friend I hadn't seen in for.eh.vuh.
|An earlier season|