i was thanking God yesterday for so much. for babies, for infertility gone fertile, for adoption, for pregnancy, but also for friendship, for loss, for the unexplained painful questions, for the bottom dropping out, because without them, i dont think im the kind of girl that would lean over and smell the roses. turns out, this girl is the kind that gets pushed down time and time again to be reminded that there are, in fact, flowers to smell. and so.
but back to yesterday.
i was listening to the heartbeat of this little one, and my thoughts began to wander down the years and wonder what that tiny heartbeat would be doing when she turned 5, or 10, or 35. and i thought of my own little ones and how theyve turned out. and i thought that i think (cover your ears here if you cant stand the sound of horns being blown by their own) that weve done a pretty darn good job with these two. now, by no means am I saying that they are always well behaved and have great posture and read war & peace for bedtime stories, but ive always felt that if i were to ever have kids, id want them to be like the castro kids. but then i start thinking of all the ways that ive gone wrong, or potentially wrong, and now that we're creepin into tween times, all the horrible, no good, very bad things that i could mess up in THAT mess of a decade.
so late in the evening when the daddy was snoring on his hospital couch, and the mommy was finally resting her anxious last hours of baby belly, i told God that i was scared. that i needed him to guide us because we are scared of the new part of life where boys are interested in our little girl and she has a crush, and all i can do is smile and giggle with her and remind her that when the time is right. and calm the hubby and remind him that this is only a 10 year old crush and we were there, too (right?! werent we?) and it isnt what we have in our heads, as adults. and i asked him to laugh with us and cry with us and grab a chair and some popcorn because goodness knows heidi castro puts on a good comedy when it comes to life and a tween girl in the mix is gonna start a whole new season.
and then this morning happened.
the kids were in the office playing with legos and i heard a civilian yelling for help because there was a robber int he hot tub! IN THE HOT TUB, people! and then the police came and got him out. and then they laughed and i heard the most precious thing come out of my little boy's mouth.
"Emma, thank you for making me the hot tub. its so fun."
and that's all i needed to hear to set my heart still and remember that we've made it this far. and if my kids are respectful and loving to each other, even behind closed doors when no one is looking, we can do this tween thing. we can do the teenager thing. we can do the empty nest thing. (well, maybe not that last part...)
as long as we're in this together, hubby-love.
we got this.
and a totally unrelated photo for you, because, let's face it, you didn't come here to hear me ramble, right?