looking back, almost every photo i have of you is blurry. out of focus.
i have cried so many times wishing that i could see, in detail, the downy hair on your back, the wrinkles on your little feet, the fold on your ear.
but then again, it's been seven years.
and you cant see it in photos, but i can still smell that just born baby smell. the one that accompanied each of your living siblings on their birthdays. i still remember the feel of your soft, pink skin on mine. the way that my finger seemed to fit perfectly into your tiny hand, like God himself had used my very finger to mold your tiny grasp with. i remember the soft baby fur on your back that reminded me of your big sister's, and i remember your button nose that hit me like a ton of bricks in my gut when i saw it return on the face of your little brother. i remember you, sweet son.
seven years later, and it's like it was yesterday.
happy birthday, precious one.
i miss you so.
until we meet again, face to face,
kisses on the wind, hugs in the rain,
i love yous with every breath i breathe.