Friday, September 2, 2011

5 Years Ago...

Five years ago, our family changed forever. Do you remember, hubby, those two people that went to bed the night before? They were so happy, so carefree, so....ignorant.

It seems rather strange, looking back, that I almost don't recognize who we were, and that's sad. The pictures of us. We smiled different, we were blissful and new, and happily ignorant of things such as the loss of a first born son. Our eyes sparkled like we were walking streets of gold and the way you held my bulging belly in your strong hands matched perfectly the look of absolute delight that was in my face as I looked upon your laughing face.

We were different then, and we'll never be the same.

But 5 years later, here we are.

I don't know why bad things happen, but I know they make us stronger, and I know for us to make it through that day, that month, that year 5 years ago, we are stronger than we ever knew we could be.

Before a race or a swim meet or a soccer game, we practice and practice. We work our bodies until they ache and become weak, only to, in the end, become stronger, healthier, faster competitors. The same is with our souls. We work our souls until they ache and become weak, coming as close as they can to giving up, letting go. But in the end, we become stronger in faith, healthier in our love for one another, and faster to let things be in His hands. There are no steroids for this kind of race.

Perhaps He knew that we would need ever so much faith and humbleness to conquer this battle we face now. For this is by far the biggest so far. I've always had you, and you always had me.
A team.

And now we face a battle that threatens to split us apart, that is tearing your body away from mine.

And we won't let it win.

We have fought through richer or poorer, good times and bad. We have smashed through the finish line holding hands and laughing.

But this.

This sickness and in health.

This is the biggest yet.

5 years ago, we wept for weeks to come. There was no tomorrow, the days were as dark as the nights.
We laid our son to rest in a tiny box, where his fragile body would forever stay.

We forgot that he was home, he was safe, he was happy.

We forgot our faith.

But God always gives us a sign, if we look, and our sign, through her 4 year old innocence, helped us find our faith again, and we healed.

and cried.

and got up again.

and cried.

and lived again.

So when I see that we're faced with this terrifying, hideous event,
I know we'll pass it.

I KNOW we will.

Because nothing


is more than you and me,
heart & soul,
mr. & mrs.
best friends forever and ever,

could handle.

You are my soul mate, forever.

i love you
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1 comment:

  1. Your faith and your strength continue to amaze me.


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