Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Timeshare. anyone?! (at the hospital...)

Okay, so our week just got a whole lot more interesting. Monday, Hubby was feeling like his old self again - and we were EXTATIC! A good day! A good day! Hallelujah!

and then came Tuesday.

Hubs couldnt move his arm. His pain was so bad that he made it less than 30 minutes at work and had to come home. It was bad.
I tried massage, medicine, heat, cold, everything, but nothing seemed to help.

At 9:45 he headed up to the hospital to see the port surgeon. Port surgeon said it looked fine, here's some antibiotics in case, go home and good luck (and a kick in the @ss as he headed out the door).

At 3:30, after sleeping all day, nothing had changed. It may have even gotten worse. OU doc said to go back to the hospital and tell them to do x and y, look for z. Off he went.

After following directions, turns out that that while doing x and y, they, in fact, found z. And Z = a blood clot.


By the time hubs got home from this visit, he was barely able to stand. He collapsed onto the bed and I ran to fill prescriptions and come home.

When I arrived, we loaded him up with meds and found that his temperature had risen above the level for chemo patients, at which point OU doc says to get your @ss to the ER.

SO, 7pm last night we go the ER and get taken back to the ER rooms, where we will have to tell hub's life story beginning with cancer diagnosis (again) a few times, (Wow, that's quite a story! I hope you feel better soon!) Umm, yes, please, and I hope you do something to help that along...

After they take blood, ask me AGAIN why they can't use the power port for their own uses, and shut the lights down to a dim mood light, they leave us alone for the next few hours.

Hubs is asleep.

(cue heidi-freak-out-allotamous)

I wonder if they would notice if a few of these jumbo size germ-xes went missing...and for that matter, the dispenser on the wall, too...

Why do they have the stupid "flying through the stars in outer space" screensaver in here? That's so old school and ghetto. Go away. i hate you, light speed...

and why is there a TV in here?!? What if we had come in with a severed arm?? Would they be watching Rachel Ray make omelets while they sew it back on?!?

ohmuhgosh, poor hubby's feet are HANGING off the end of the bed!! What is this?!? Some kind of kid sized gurney?!? What if Shaq were here?!? Is this a lawsuit....

im cold.

ohmuhgosh, my phone just decided it had 20% battery left!!! What will i do?!? How will I call the kids?!?

Oh, that poor baby is screaming! I wish my babies were here...

Why are you SLEEPING when all this stress is going on?!?!

Ohmygosh, Im such a horrible wife for thinking that. Sleep, baby sleep. I love you.

I love you.

I. love. you.

Where does he go when he sleeps more than he lives? Is there an alternate universe he visits like on that Matt Damon movie? I wonder if I have tummy rolls there...and if we live by the sea...

I'm scared.

How can i feel so alone when you're right beside me?

I'll play with my planner. That always makes me feel how is it that November seems so close when I'm flipping pages here, but like an eternity in life? Stupid slow life.

and then I got a text from my Nikkole. She's out in the ER waiting room.
"I don't think they'll let you back here!"
"It's okay. I'm just here" she says.

and that's exactly what I needed to hear at that second. Not "what happened?" or "I'm so sorry!", just "I'm here". She didn't know what happened, or why we were there.

She just drove.

(and probably exposed herself to all kinds of amoebas!!!) just so she could be there.

and I felt better.

10:30PM - Blood tests come back. They are going to keep him overnight with IV antibiotics. My stomach pitted.

Up we go to floor 5, the end of the hall. Sorta reminds me of my closet, but with a TV and a window. At least it wasn't 46 degrees in there, and the nurses seemed nice and knowledgeable. (I want nurse Rebecca back!!!). Another friend brought dinner and assorted must-haves for hubby's night (iphone charger!), and walked with me back out into the night. (She even talked to me on the phone all the way home. Does she know me well, or what).

I walked in the house and it was so quiet and still. The kids were asleep and Daddy was snoozing on the couch as well, but he woke up when I came in and retreated back home after a big "It's gonna be okay" hug that only daddies can give.

Hubby texted everytime he awoke that night, and i was always up to text him back. he was feeling a little better, surgery was planned for the morning, and we'd see what the doc said.

8:30am Em is off to art camp and ev and I spend the few minutes of below-100-degree-temps at the playground closeby as we wait on any news from hubby.

9am. No surgery just yet. We need to check a few things. Is the port in the right vein? Does it need to be replaced? Etc, etc, etc.

12pm. From the x-ray, it looks like the port is inserted correctly, so we'll just wait it out.

WAIT it out?? Uhhh...okay...

1pm. Kids are ready to see daddy and we pick up lunch and head over. He has a fever, and docs won't let him leave until he's without fever for 24 hours. stomach drop again. another night alone :(

Lunch with a view

1:45 Its obvious that naptime is long overdue, so off we go with a list of needs for the next 24 hours that we'll bring tonight. Hubby is tired and sore, and sweating on and off.

He didn't eat as well as he had been, even though I brought him that new salad on TV he's been wanting to try. I hate this for him.

2:48 pm einsteins are asleep/resting and I'm trying to blog this all down so that I remember it, and they'll remember it, so tomorrow will look a little sweeter, right?
mmm hmm.

So for now, we are living minute to minute, while hubby rests and regains his strength, and we'll see him again for dinner. (Oh...I guess I'd better start cookin!)
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  1. Wow, what a post! I truly felt the emotions you were feeling. Well, at about 1/50th of the intensity you probably felt.

    Your internal dialogue from the ER room was touching, funny, and strangely familiar to me. And your friend, the one who was "just there" She's a keeper.

    Hope things swing back your way. Prayers for you and yours...

  2. That was an amazing post. Once I started reading, I was transported into your world, into that room with you and John. I wish you two could feel my well-wishes and energy, and be fortified by it when you need it. I'm sending it full strength today.


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