Monday, March 28, 2011

Diagnosis Day

I apologize for any misspellings - I am typing from my phone..

I am waiting in the parking lot at hubby's workplace, my stomach churning as it has been for the past 24 hours. Eh, who am I kidding? It's been this way for months now. I've been a mess. A stressed out, worried, MESS. And have you noticed? I'm sure you have. Those close to me have watched as my eyes grew dark circles underneath them, darker and darker as the days went on, due to lack of sleep, and the sleep that came brought only nightmares and terror.
Hubby and I are on our way to a city not too far away, to learn the results from weeks and weeks of testing and diagnostics. I'll back up a bit, as you seem a little confused.
About 2 months ago, hubs had a business trip. While away, he had an attack of sorts. A painful, can't-get-out-of-bed-stay-in -fetal-position, type attack. He had noticed something wasn't quite right for months previously, but he wasn't concerned. He never gets sick. He didn't even have a doctor! This attack was the last straw for me, and as soon as he was back, we began this journey. It's been a long, drawn out journey, but we're going it together as strong as we can be. We hesitated to tell you, after all, we didn't know all the answers yet, and couldn't see how putting you through the weeks of waiting in agonizing suspense would be helpful at all, so we waited. Waited until we had answers. And today we are hoping to get them.
The doctors won't say it. That "c" word. It's as if they fear saying it will hurt us both so badly that they will run for cover at the whisper of it's ugly name. Little do they know that the looks in their eyes tell a story. And I can read it.
So, after blood tests, sonograms, CTScans, and, D.) All of the above again, here I am, waiting for hubs to hop into the car and off we go, off to the messenger of news...

11:05 am.
We have arrived at the doctor's office and are waiting for him to open the door, pop his head in, and say "you're fine! Go home!", but I doubt that's how it'll play out. The ride here was long and quiet. We picked up the results from the CTscan and they look optimistic, as far as the...erm..."illness" concerned. So, that's a (small) relief. I hate being optimistic, it always seems to produce a floor made of tissue paper that easily falls out from under me as soon as any bit of pressure hits, but nevertheless, I'm a tiny bit more hopeful than I feel I should be. I can't help it. It's in my soul, I guess...

We're on our way home now. The diagnosis was bittersweet. The good news is that the cancer cells haven't spread anywhere else that they can tell. The bad news is just that. Cancer. A non-seminomous tumor. Surgery is scheduled for Tuesday, and we'll go from there. Step by step. We're venturing into the woods now on this little side street of life, and I cannot wait to be on the other side, where it's back to our normal, sunny little street. This surgery Tuesday will be the first of many hard steps to recovery, and we'll make it through, but I ask you, if you are a person of faith, to remember us in your times of prayer.
Thank you!

Hubby at his CT Scan last month. So handsome in the face of peril, don't you think? ;)

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  1. Was very sad to hear about this, stay positive and strong. Thinking of you guys and pray for a quick recovery - AE

  2. Keeping your family in my thoughts and prayers. Remember, you can call me anytime.

  3. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. You'll find yourself on the other side of the street very soon, stronger and wiser and grateful.

  4. Praying for you guys. Not really worried, John will kick that cancer's ass.

  5. How scary for you all, Heidi. I hate that c word so much. :( I'll definitely be praying for you guys. Let me know if you need anything. I'm happy to help with the homeroom mom stuff (it's surprisingly a lot of work, yes?) or anything else! Please just ask!

  6. It's so sad and shocking for us to hear this. I can imagine what you have been through, Heidi--all the worries and fears. But don't worry too much. I know many people have fought the C with triumph and I am sure with all the love of your family, John will get over it. We will be happy to help in anyway we can, please just ask....

  7. Thank you, everyone, for your kind words. God will give us all strength and we'll be back to normal soon enough! Please keep hubby in your prayers, and I'll keep you all updated as we fight on!


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