Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Blogs of the Past: January 2007

This is an excerpt of my old blog. I've dusted the cover off and unwrapped the past...these are favorites by many, but especially my friend, Mike, who spit coffee onto his work several times reading them, years ago...

Oh! My eye!!!

This morning, I was REALLY tired, I guess, because when I went in the bathroom to put in my contacts, I forgot what I was doing and tried to TAKE OUT my contacts, so I was like SCRAPING my naked eye with my fingernails trying to pinch the lens of my eye! And whats sad is that I did it several times before I realized that my contacts were sittingin front of me on the counter in their little case, and my eyeballs were like sweltering red! I look like I smoked a doobie at 7 am!!!! Argg.

Pulling Teeth!

So, I think I already told you that I woke up at 5 today because something came falling out of John's closet? So, for this next story, you'll have to know, I was very tired, which leads to easy panic for me.
I was flossing my teeth this morning with those little flosser things.
then, as I am flossing the very back molars, I try to pull it out and it's stuck. 
not normal. 
I am pulling, but I can just FEEL the roots pulling out of my gums! By now, panic has set in. John has already left for work, so I am whining alone in my bathroom. Then, from all the pulling, I'm making my mouth bleed. I need a drink. Bad. Problem? I cant close my mouth because theres a huge green flosser in my mouth! Im crying now. I can see the paramendics coming in to find a woman in her bathroom, who died of blood loss from flossing and getting it stuck. Not a pretty sight. What if my picture showed up on rotten.com? All those "abnormal" death pics seem to find their way there...I dont want to be included with the guy who had a heart attack on the crapper wearing heels. I decide to cut the flosser off the floss with scissors. I can just leave the floss part in the teeth, and let it just live there, like when you leave a string around a tree, and eventually it grows over it? Except, my teeth arent growing, but who cares.
Im running to the kitchen, crying, hyperventillating, and whining, to get the scissors.
I stub my toe.
I scream the word "sh*t"
When I close my mouth, the leverage of the flosser on my other side of teeth pops the damn thing out. I stand shocked, looking around for my molar.
Its not anywhere.
I realize then, that its in my mouth still. Thank God!

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  1. These are the reasons I love you, in case you ever forget. :) My punkin.

  2. Good to know - in review of the archives...there are many, many reasons to love me, then :)


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