Monday, February 8, 2010

On Raising Boys...

I'd say I'm pretty knowledgeable when it comes to raising children, and I'd say I'm pretty knowledgeable when it comes to raising girls OR boys. I mean, afterall, I have grown up with three brothers and a dad, taught numerous little boy students, and have babysat my fair share of little men. I've gotten degrees in childhood development, and my friends find me competent enough to ask me childrearing advice. Besides the occasional "Wow! That's not quite the same as Emma" moments, I thought I had truly no real humdinger questions about rising little boys - but that was until the other night.

A few days ago, I was helping a family of five boys get ready for their bathes. Specifically, little just-turned-three Joey. I had turned the bath water on to get it warm & start filling the tub and told Joey to go put aaalllll his pee in the potty, so it wouldn't try to go swimming in the bath. And he did.
 Yay!
But then, as he looked up at me for further instruction, there it was.
A drop of pee-pee.
On his....wee-wee.
And then I stood there.
Frozen.
Mindboggled.
Lost.
How do you get that drop off?
Do you give him a toilet paper square?
I mean, little boys don't .... shake....right? They sit down!

In my panic, I start yelling down the hallway for his mom. She has all boys. She knows all!
"HOW DO YOU GET THE PEE OFF???? DO I "DAB" HIM?!?!"

After that, it was all a blur. I can't really recall what happened, but the next thing I remember were angry text messages from Joey's dad and John, who were apparently as horrified as I had been, only not for the same reason.

Their panic had more atomic developmental detrimation.
If I had gone ahead with the "dabbing", here is what little just-turned-three Joey (and possibly Evan), would have been exposed to...

- Getting beaten in the locker room
- Becoming "gay" (who knew it wasn't nature or nuture? It's all dependant on the DABBING!! LOL!)
- No friends
- Carrying around TP squares in his pocket to use at urinals and being a dork.
- Other men making horrified faces at you in the public bathrooms as you pull out your tp square. (Wait...I thought no one looked?!?)
AND
- Being deprived of the manly privlidge of shaking pee everywhere.
Yes, ladies, it's a PRIVLIDGE to cover our bathrooms in pee.

Who knew? So now, I feel, once again, confident that I can raise boys.
As long as I have a husband to potty train them.
:)
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